第31章:CHAPTER 31
MY home,then,- when I at last find a home,- is a cottage; a little room with whitewashed walls and a sanded floor,containing four painted chairs and a table,a clock,a cupboard,with two or three plates and dishes,and a set of tea-things in delf. Above,a chamber of the same dimensions as the kitchen,with a deal bedstead and chest of drawers; small,yet too large to be filled with my scanty wardrobe: though the kindness of my gentle and generous friends has increased that,by a modest stock of such things as are necessary.
It is evening. I have dismissed,with the fee of an orange,the little orphan who serves me as a handmaid. I am sitting alone on the hearth. This morning,the village school opened. I had twenty scholars. But three of the number can read: none write or cipher.
Several knit,and a few sew a little. They speak with the broadest accent of the district. At present,they and I have a difficulty in understanding each other's language. Some of them are unmannered,rough,intractable,as well as ignorant; but others are docile,have a wish to learn,and evince a disposition that pleases me. I must not forget that these coarsely-clad little peasants are of flesh and blood as good as the scions of gentlest genealogy; and that the germs of native excellence,refinement,intelligence,kind feeling,are as likely to exist in their hearts as in those of the best-born. My duty will be to develop these germs: surely I shall find some happiness in discharging that office. Much enjoyment I do not expect in the life opening before me: yet it will,doubtless,if I regulate my mind,and exert my powers as I ought,yield me enough to live on from day to day.
Was I very gleeful,settled,content,during the hours I passed in yonder bare,humble schoolroom this morning and afternoon? Not to deceive myself,I must reply- No: I felt desolate to a degree. I felt- yes,idiot that I am- I felt degraded. I doubted I had taken a step which sank instead of raising me in the scale of social existence. I was weakly dismayed at the ignorance,the poverty,the coarseness of all I heard and saw round me. But let me not hate and despise myself too much for these feelings; I know them to be wrong- that is a great step gained; I shall strive to overe them. To-morrow,I trust,I shall get the better of them partially; and in a few weeks,perhaps,they will be quite subdued. In a few months,it is possible,the happiness of seeing progress,and a change for the better in my scholars may substitute gratification for disgust.